How to Build and Maintain a Best Friendship

Featuring: Heidi Zielinski
Interview & video by: Catie Menke
Copy by: Shannon Holt

When it comes to building and maintaining best friendships, it is definitely something that gets harder with age.

As we move into our late 20s and early 30s we quickly realize that our friend group may no longer be in the same stage of life as we once were. Some are getting married, some are having children, some are moving across the country, just to name a few. You may even realize that you don’t have a ton in common with each other anymore. However these life changes don’t have to mean the end of a best friendship. It just means you may have to work a little harder at building and maintaining friendships.

There is something to be said for women who really work at maintaining their friendships. It’s not easy with everything that is going on in our lives. But friendships are incredibly important and when you find those people who you really connect with, it is 100% worth the effort.

Featuring: Heidi Zielinski and Catie Menke. Location: Talking Stick Arena.

Inspire and encourage eachother

As we move through different stages of our lives, we need to make it a point, within our best friendships to inspire, build each other up and encourage each other. Most of us have something we want to do and/or accomplish, but we also have fear holding us back. Knowing that our friends, who may be at a different point in life, is still there to support, cheer you on and inspire you to do what you are afraid of, can mean the world.

Cheering your friends on is important, but it is also important to have friends that you feel are inspiring as well. Friends who are out there accomplishing their goals and facing their fears, will help to build the morale as well.

Accept and balance each other

Much like a relationship, a best friendship is all about accepting each other for who you are. It’s about feeding off of each others strengths and weaknesses and balancing each other out.

People change. The friend you met in college is not going to be the same person they are in their 30s. They could be getting married and having children or chasing their dream career with little time for anything else. As a friend, accept/appreciate where the other person is at in life and find a way to work with it. It’ll be hard, but finding that balance for each other could make a huge difference in how you continue building and maintaining friendships.

Be honest and authentic with each other

In order to build and maintain friendships, as we move through different stages of our lives, we need to surround ourselves with people who don’t tell us what we want to hear. We need people who will tell us what we need to hear.

As Heidi mentions in the video above, “we all need that person that is going to be straight up with us and tell us how it is.” That doesn’t mean you have to be negative with each other all the time or criticizing each other. Instead find a way to speak to each other that feels authentic and real, but still gets the point across.

Honesty is crucial in any relationship you have in life and a true, life long friendship is no different.

Appreciate and Acknowledge where each of you are at

Depending on where you are at in life, life can be extremely busy. Between a career, side hustle (as most of us have them these days), dating, marriages, children and new friendships, it can be hard to keep up with each other.

If someone is busy, don’t hold it against them. Acknowledge where they are at in their life, realize it may not be the same as you, but still appreciate it. It’s so easy to get mad or upset when something comes up that may be more important than a coffee date. However life happens and if you want to continue to grow as friends and maintain what you currently have, you need to accept that life isn’t all that simple any more. Make it a point to not make the other person feel bad for where their life is at. It will mean a lot to your friends and will allow the friendship to progress in a positive way.

Even though life is busy, make time for each other

Relationships take a lot of work and a friendship is no different. In order to continue building and maintaining friendships you are going to have to put in that work. Even if that means scheduling it in, do it.

Just like you would with the person you are dating, schedule date nights with friends. Make it a monthly thing and put it on the calendar. Remember what brought you together and build on that. If you both enjoy a certain activity, find a way to do that together. Get together to just sit, talk and catch-up (with wine preferably).

When you do get together be sure to talk about both the little mundane things as well as the bigger things. Be vulnerable with each other and really talk about what is going on in your lives. The more you know about each other’s lives the more you will be able to understand where the other person is and you’ll be able to utilize the above tips in building and maintaining friendships.

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