How I'm Combating Negative Self-talk and Saying Goodbye to My Inner Voice of Perfectionism

Art Direction and Photograph by: Catie Menke. Model: Jenna Thu.

Copy by: Jenna Thu
Creative Direction: Catie Menke

In a world where many women are told their worth is measured in physical beauty that is compared to photoshopped, unrealistic standards, self criticism is bound to happen. We all have that pesky, mean inner critic that can get inside our head and make us doubt ourselves. Just think about it for a second, and I bet you can probably hear the specific tone and sound of the voice that your inner critic uses to get in your head. My inner critic loves to tell me I am lazy in an assertive voice. I know it uses the word lazy because it triggers guilt in me. I can fall deeper into a hole by continuing to repeat the word lazy, and might even add the word stupid into it as well. After circling for a while, the voice typically goes in for the kill with the question “Why did you think you could do x, y, z you lazy, stupid girl.” As someone who has been harrassed by my inner voice of perfectionism my whole life, I started to take action to combat this cruel, vicious cycle and it has truly made a difference in my life.

The first step to combating this nasty voice is to play the devil's advocate against the negative self-talk. When I hear the doubts creeping in, I take a moment to ask myself why I am using these negative descriptions about myself. Are they true? I know I am the farthest thing from lazy and stupid. These words don’t describe me at all. So then I ask, are these thoughts of name calling useful to me? Do they motivate me? I know the answer is no, as name calling is never useful. Next time your voice starts to creep in and make you feel less than what you truly are, ask yourself “Is this useful to me?”.

Secondly, I’ve been able to reverse some of the negative talk and replace it with pep talks. I pride myself in being a problem-solver and cheerleader for all, so many years ago I started giving myself the pep talks that I would normally give to others. They go like this “You are Jenna Faye, you are a freight train and you can do anything.” No joke. I’ve been saying that to myself for years now. It always lends me a second wind when I am feeling down or overwhelmed. Find a phrase that pumps you up, make it a feel-good one of course, and tell it to yourself. Focus on your good qualities and use those to drive you forward instead of down.

Image of Faye Simpson and Norfolk Junior High faculty. — Art Direction and Photograph by: Catie Menke. Model: Jenna Thu.

Last but not least, this is gold to me and really helps to drive my day-to-day zest for life. Most people genuinely want to make their family and loved ones happy. So I use this thought to enhance my thinking and feelings about myself. I ask myself, would my parents, brothers, or husband want ME to speak to myself like that? I know in every ounce of my heart that my loved ones wouldn’t want me to waste a precious second on self hatred or doubt. They believe in me, and I use that to motivate my inner critic to silence. I use this form of thinking when making tough decisions too. Would my loved ones want me to do this? The answers tend to come very quickly after you ask yourself that.

I would like to point out that I am not a mental health professional, and that you should seek professional help for any reason you need. I have gone to counseling for a variety of reasons in the past, and I wish everyone could talk to a counselor during different stages of life. I’m simply writing from my personal experiences, and I hope it can give you a new way to combat negative self-talk. “You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” from the book You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L. Hay. My wish for you is to find self-compassion, self-love, and self-kindness every day.