The Strength of a Mother—Why I’m Celebrating a Long, Difficult Journey
Image of Samantha Stinocher and family.
Copy by: Samantha Stinocher
Editor: Jeni Fjelstad
Creative Direction by: Catie Menke
Our lives are built by defining stages. Our character ebbs and flows as the seasons of our lives progress. Each stage is met with its own set of challenges and its own set of triumphs. No stage is better or worse than the last because every stage adds experience to our lives and shapes the person we are destined to become. Each person has been through challenges that nearly broke them, and each person has cause to celebrate the fact that they made it through and have the opportunity to keep growing!
Shortly after I got married, my husband and I decided we wanted to start a family. Month after month we were met with disappointment as each pregnancy test I took came back negative. Sure that I must have some kind of hormonal imbalance that would be simple to fix, we went to a fertility clinic expecting that I would be provided with a miracle hormone balancing pill that would magically solve our problem. Unfortunately, I was diagnosed with “unexplained infertility” meaning my levels were all good, everything looked healthy for both me and my husband, but still conception would be difficult for us. We tried for five years to have a child and were consistently met with disappointment instead. Ultimately after seven failed rounds of IUI’s, we decided to try InVitro. We were blessed with twin boys who are the light of our lives.
Shortly after they were born, I developed a rare condition called postpartum cardiomyopathy — pregnancy induced heart failure. Each night I’d feel the metal sensors on the defibrillator vest I had to wear press into my skin and lay awake wondering if I’d ever wake up again. Every time I’d pick up one of my babies, I’d wonder if I would be able to control how I fell to the ground if I went into cardiac arrest so I didn’t land on them and hurt/suffocate them. I was lucky, though. I had found a doctor who knew about this condition and who would listen to me if I said I didn’t feel right. He adjusted my medications as needed and ultimately my body was able to make a full recovery.
Although my road to parenthood has not been a smooth one, each day I have the opportunity to care for and love my children. When I look into their perfect little faces, I don’t think about the pain and heartache I felt as I worked for them, or the fear and helplessness I felt after my diagnosis. When I see their faces, I only feel cause to celebrate! They are everything I could have ever dreamt of and more.
After my diagnosis I was told it would be too dangerous for me to experience pregnancy again. We have never resented that advice, though, because adoption has always been at the forefront of our minds. After six years since my boys’ birth, and after fully recovering from heart failure, we are finally working toward our dream of adopting a baby girl. We are fully home study approved and officially looking for our match!
Throughout each of these stages of my life, I know I’ve learned more about myself and my strength — and that alone is worth celebrating.
If you or someone you know are pregnant and considering adoption, you can review Samantha’s adoption bio here: https://adoption.com/profiles/Stineys2021.
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