The Human Matrix of Magical Emotions and How I'm Using Spells to Heal
Art Direction and Photograph by: Catie Menke. Model: Carissa Gabrielle.
Copy by: Ashley Macha
Model: Carissa Gabrielle
Creative Direction: Catie Menke
Every moment in life is magical. Enchanting, spellbinding, supernatural. The brilliant, the hurtful, the painful, the pleasant. And our body houses so many feelings, all at once. A colorful matrix of magical emotions, which is magic in itself.
There is a certain juxtaposition when it comes to the feelings that we experience. How incredible is it that we can feel so much pain, yet are still able to feel love? How special that we’re able to feel terrified to our core, but still able to see a ray of hope in the future?
It’s not ambivalence or mixed feelings, but rather a magical arrangement of acknowledging that you can feel a certain way and also know the reality of the situation. And some types of magic, you can see. Other types of magic, you feel. You believe. You carry with you. You put your energy towards. It’s like watching Harry Potter lay eyes on Hogwarts for the first time type-of-magic.
We as humans are not just one characteristic or quality – and neither are our feelings! A personal example: for the last year and a half, I’ve had a constant hole in my chest. A certain kind of ache that has made me feel as though I’ve had an invisibility cloak on – the kind of magic no one wants to experience. But, within that, my body has also felt so many other things along that journey. Despite feeling sadness, I’ve also felt joy. Despite feeling defeated, I’ve also felt optimistic. Despite feeling unworthy, I’ve also felt appreciated.
“i have a broken heart
one that is empty.
each ragged beat
like a stab.
but that same damaged heart
squeezes small bursts of hope
of joy
of desire
of courage
and still,
so much love.”
There is magic in big moments, such as childbirth, a first kiss with a crush, a big accomplishment at work. There’s also the magic of just experiencing life. Letting hair be crazy, drinking a beer in the grass, showing up for those that we care for, and breathing in each day to the fullest. No chaos, but still all the coaster of brilliant twists and turns.
Within our matrix of feelings, we can also recognize where we might need to heal. And there are so many ways to heal – personal time, a quality dinner with family, morning meditations, a deep conversation with a close friend, spending time among the mountains and trees, counseling sessions. But when my feelings get too matrixed or when I feel I can’t heal, I turn to my energy. To moon phases and patterns. To disconnecting. To the stars. To crystals. To meditation. To general freeness. And recently, spells.
For anyone that knows me, they know I’m still waiting for my acceptance letter to Hogwarts. (I just want to be a wizard already!) And confession: yes, I have totally cast spells in the past. Also confession: they’ve mostly been silly spells I found on the internet in middle school from the era of dial-up AOL, which I think we can all agree should not be trusted. Fast forward to present day me, recently in a metaphysical shop, where I came upon a basket of energy spells ranging from love to money to dreams. But, the “healing spell” felt the most monumental to me.
I really went into it as a forced time to spend thinking about what I wanted and needed to be healed, how I wanted to continue to protect myself and my energy in the future, and just find some peace within myself. And you know what, it really helped.
Spells for receiving – which is what the healing spell meant to me – should notoriously be done on or near the new moon. So, during the March new moon, I followed the simple instructions provided, that included casting a protective circle, lighting three green candles (green symbolizing healing), sprinkling some essential oils in small spots on my skin, and holding my healing crystals. I then visualized feeling strong and healthy, from any pain, and focused on the desire that is dear to my heart that needed healing. There were also these words to repeat three times:
This is not an end all. But, I find any type of ritual you find comfort in – whether long baths, a long run, a long rant to a friend, a long meditation session – is helpful to just help you breathe. And this did help me breathe. I’ve been able to sink into my thoughts, my daily tasks, my purpose, maybe just a little bit deeper. It has helped me to be able to focus a little bit better, and those are the rituals you should hold on to. Regardless of if this spell was magic enough to help, I find magic in the doing and magic in the hope it left me.
In short, I carry magic with me everywhere I go. Not only because I have a Harry Potter quote on my back, but because despite how much I’m in pain or how sad I might feel at certain times, I’m a forever optimist. I am a believer. I am a lover. And I genuinely want magic for all and everyone. Spells or no spells.
I encourage you to find the magic again in small moments of your day. In your coffee. In a stranger’s smile. In the happy dog walking down the street. In nature. In yourself.
“it wasn’t magic
the way you made me feel
it wasn’t ethereal
the way i know we moved together
we were our own unique potion
pinches of our own natural ingredients
our smiles, our skin, our wild hair
we didn’t need magic at all
it was already within us both.
it still is.
and that is the most magic of it all.”
Image by: Ashley Macha.
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