The Flame: Is the Idea of Finding “The One” Simply a Flawed Concept?
Art Direction and Photograph by: Catie Menke. Model: Stephanie Montemurro.
Model and Copy by: Stephanie Montemurro
Creative Direction by: Catie Menke
If you’ve ever been in love, you’re familiar with the elusive idea of “the one.” Or in other words, the hunt to find your perfect match. The person who mirrors you for all the best qualities and who can seem to balance the worst instead of bringing them out. Where every day feels full of early relationship butterflies. A flame that is never dimmed.
But is the idea of life-long monogamy just a recipe for disaster? Statistically, the math should work out. As of today, there are 7.9 billion people alive. To say that there isn’t one person who’s age, gender, talents, traits, interests and path of life does not align with yours seems too small a number to fathom. There has to be at least one.
Being humans means we are capable of choice which causes us to deviate from our trajectory. If your partner is incapable of growth that aligns with yours, are they then capable of being your partner?
Partners become more of a proverbial steppingstone and the “leveling-up” of oneself is a decisive departure from the path. Each experience, no matter how long or short, gives you more feedback and insight into yourself. A partner has to be so much more than an equal. They need to be someone who puts you on your pedestal when you need it most and offers the warmest of comfort. Someone who can be brutally honest and who knows how to get you to digest and hear what they have to say. Someone who genuinely wants you to succeed and offers a stable hand as you walk along the rugged path. And don’t, forget the unabridged passion for one another.
Once a relationship no longer sits on these stilts, there becomes a sinking stagnation and the pattern of time’s tide slowly but surely begins the wash away the foundation. Piece by piece. It could happen so slowly that you don’t even realize one grain of sand beneath you is the difference from what seems like a sound structure and complete ruin.
There becomes a choice to completely dismantle your house—a choice to accept the pain and despair for what once was, having the foresight to know it will all be worth it in the end. This choice can only be made if you’re honest with yourself. Honest about who you are and what you want.
It’s quite simple though. One must fully understand themselves. Beyond their strengths and weaknesses. It’s the idiosyncrasies of how your mind works. Your lens, the summation of your experiences. If you can understand, appreciate, and love yourself for all that you are, then you are prepared to love someone else for all that they are. If you don’t understand how you fit the puzzle, how could you ever truly make a connection in the most jagged of corners?
And then there’s the element of chance. The universe and all of its higher powers feeding you a steady stream of nourishment. The bitterest of greens and the sweetest of peaches. Some will sit well with you and others won’t. It’s best to keep an open mind so you don’t become blindfolded, albeit an incognizant headpiece. Even the sweetest peach contains a pit.
The summation of self-understanding and outward awareness of what’s being handed to you allows you to decide if you have found your “one.” It’s a decision that’s made every single day. By two people, not just one.
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