How I'm Not Settling in My Career or My Relationships
Art Direction and Photograph by: Catie Menke. Model: Brooke Sexton.
Interview featuring: Regina Lawrence
Model: Brooke Sexton
Creative Direction and Copy by: Catie Menke
In my most recent interview, Regina shares how she’s not going to settle in her career or her relationships.
REGINA: I’ve been thinking about this so much because in my most recent relationship, I know with hindsight that I was settling in a lot of ways. And I’ve been trying to be conscious about how areas of my life affect other areas. Like energetically, we are one human with lots of different energy sources. So I started to really think about that and ask myself, “How am I blocking myself from abundance?” I know I am putting in the work. I am putting in the effort. I’m stating my intentions. And then I realized I was blocking myself in one area because of what I was just accepting from men. Sometimes I feel like I just accept what I get instead of really clearly stating what I want and deserve.
CATIE: Did you have signs during your relationship that you were settling?
Art Direction and Photograph by: Catie Menke. Model: Brooke Sexton.
REGINA: There were signs for me during that I was settling because I was feeling so unsatisfied in certain areas. I was feeling like I was being blocked in terms of abundance when it came to my business. And I was questioning why I felt that way because I’m doing all the work and all the things. So I started to examine different areas of my life where I could be blocking myself. And I realized that I will settle with men. And I am not going to do that anymore.
CATIE: Good for you! I’m curious in what ways you were settling?
REGINA: Okay, so something I realized is that in all areas of life, minus relationships, I’m very clear in setting my intention, my goals and my purpose. So like with my business, I am so intentional in what I want to do, how I want to do it and then even on a micro level - this is the type of content I need to create, this is the type of copy I should write, these are the graphics I need to create. Like, I’m so focused on it. But I think when men would come into my life - who would show up, that would show me love, show me attention - I would just accept it. The shift for me in that is asking myself “what is that I intentionally want? Why do I want it? What are the nonnegotiables that are important to me?” And if someone doesn’t have those things, they are not my person. So the most recent person I dated, the reason I ended that relationship was because I realized I was doing that and I wasn’t getting all the things that I wanted from the relationship. And so it had to end.
CATIE: Where do you think settling comes from for people?
REGINA: I think it comes from a lot of different places. I think that from a really young age, we are taught - whether it’s home, society, whatever - we are taught about the importance of finding love. We see stories of people falling in love and getting married and having children. That’s a fairy tale.
We are not taught from a young age how to actually love ourselves. We are not taught how to cultivate a relationship with self. So if self isn’t the most important thing, the relationship with that external person becomes the most important thing.
CATIE: You had said that you’re able to strategize your business to a micro level. How will you apply that now to your relationships with men?
REGINA: It starts with self. Figuring what are the values first, that are most important to me. What are my core values? And then figuring out how I want to live my life. What does that look like? Not thinking about in relationship to anyone but myself. Figuring out the human part and then also the soulful part.
Once you know your core values and how you want to live your life, you can then weigh the people that enter it. Comparing your wants and desires to theirs and do the analysis.
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